She is standing in the dorway with a crooked smile.
In a soft satin nightgown flowing from the night breeze.
The light from the hallway filling in her slim frame.
She smiles.  I smile back.  I look deep into her eyes.
But still, I cannot make out her face in the shadows.
I try to move closer, but she turns her head.
Brushing her long silky hair over her left ear.
I kiss her on the cheek and a tear runs down her face.
I still cannot make out her face.

I had the dream again.

All I hear is silence.
The silence is deafening.
The silence is pain.
The silence never ends.
Why cant I say these words to her.

What is this power she has over me.
Does it really exist. Or it is something I dreamt.
Each smile. Each gaze. Each crooked grin.

Part of me longs for the silence and peace.
But another part yearns for any attention she is willing to give.
I finally waste away into a deep calm.
And then another shot touches my lips.
I find peace.  At least for tonight.

Luckily for me I stay dry on my balcony.
But I do feel and sympathize with their pain.

Ding, my magee is ready.
I settle down to a nice hot cup of instant noodles on my sofa.
I think about her again, but she is not beside me.
Probably out having dinner somewhere, but I know she misses me.
Or does she?

Not sure if I can make it to the morning.
I look at the clock beside my bed.
And the clock reads 3am.
The ticking goes on and on and on.
And the minutes do not move.
It seems to last for days.
And days into weeks.
But the minutes still do not move.

I close my eyes and try to clear my head.
Trying to forget, but not really succeeding.
Can I forget her.
Her eyes.
Her lips.
Her smile.
But slowly the eyes start to fade.
Then the lips.
And finally her smile.
But I can still smell her in the night.
I try to scream, but nothing.
Opening my mouth wider, still nothing comes.
Not a peep.
I take another big gasp of air.
As if it was my last.
My lungs burning from the pressure.
A tear rolls down my cheek.
And I turn across the bed.
Then sleep overwhelms me.

I force a cough, and cuddle under a fleece blanket with my hot chocolate.
I love my moments of solitude on the sofa in the rainstorm.
Enjoying each minute.  Each hour.
The long stressful day melting away with each falling drop.

I hear the familiar rattling of her keys as she unlocks the front door.
Smiling as she enters, carrying an umbrella and a laptop bag.
She unstraps her heels, and shakes the umbrella at the door, before stepping into the hall.
The bag settles on the table nearby, and the door closes behind her.
We nod in silence.  A smile and a blink of an eye.

She steps out of the shower, and steam flows out behind her.
A smile again, and there is a renewed energy in her step.
She disappears off into the room to dress.
I settle on the sofa with a fleece blanket and an oversized cup of hot chocolate.

She joins me on the sofa, now in her robe.  Lilac and trimmed with a pink satin sash.
I offer her my chocolate, but she seems uninterested.
So I nibble at it myself, trying to catch a mini star marshmallow or two.  Or three.
Eventually I succeed.  She gets up and heads to the room.

After dropping off the hot chocolate, I join her in the bedroom.
Remembering to to turn off the lights quietly, and not wake her.
She’s had a long day, and I know the sleep is a welcomed end.
I slip under the covers and settle into the down feather pillow.
Pulling the comforter over my nose to ward off the sniffles.

I feel her shift closer and settle on my right shoulder.
A soft kiss on my cheek, and we settle back to sleep.
The rain continues softly.
I love the rain.

I close my eyes, and I can hear her smile.
Warming me with such simple effort.
Like a child discovering colour.
Smiling as she sweeps her hair over her right ear.
Again.  And again.  And again.

She pollutes my thoughts.
She corrupts my soul.
Both in a good way.
Why cant I get her out of my head.
Especially in her absence.
I lay in my bed alone.

She sweeps her hair over her right ear and returns to her book.
I cant seem to stop looking at her.
An initial obvious gawk, growing into a full stare.
She catches me staring, but seems unaffected by it.
Who knows.  Maybe she likes the attention.
I know she does.

She begins to chew on her bottom lip.
And cuddles her feet further under my right side.
I don’t mind the sudden chill up my spine.
Because I know her feet will soon warms up.
It does, and I am comfortable again.

She closes her book, and comes in closer.
I drop everything and focus on the gesture.
She put her head on my right shoulder.
And arms around me tightly.
I return her offer, and close my arms tightly around her.

I draw her closer, closer, again closer.
And we get warmer, warmer, and warmer.
She soon falls asleep, nestled in my arms.
I stay awake a little longer.
Just to hear her breath.
To hear her heart beat.
I sleep.

The piercing sparkle of her eyes.
The softness of her cheek.
The warmth of her smile.

I take a slow deep breath.
Lingering on her subtle scents.
Lavender. Bergamot. Jasmine.
I gasp and close my eyes.
Hoping not to waste the memory.
Within a moment, it is gone.

I open my eyes, and nothing.

Was she a dream?
NO! She was real.
She was. She is.

The dreams come again.
And often.

So when it was time to celebrate another of her birthdays, we kept it simple. And the event was fun. Many bday parties tend to be overplayed, overplanned, and of course overpriced. But my aunt insisted on keeping it simple. So we settled for a nice dinner with a few family members. Of course the cake was a surprise. And there candles didnt really indicate her age. She still insists that she is 21. So why not.

Dinner was at a nearby porridge steamboat restaurant. One of our favorites. We have been there many time. But I didn’t focus on the food itself. Instead I just took a few pics of the cake. And of course the family.

The cake was mango and full cream. Simple yet decadent. My cousins from klang drove in to join us and brought the cake. My other cousins from KL and PJ joined the festivities as well. We cut the cake, enjoyed the steamboat, and some casual chats over dinner. Everyone had a great meal and a great bday memory.